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12/14 Confused...
People confuse me... One minute they think they like you, and the next they don't, and then they are "not sure if they do or not." I think that when someone says that there not sure, it hurts worse then someone saying that they don't like you, Cause usually your able to move on after that. But, if someone is "not sure" or "confused about likeing you." Then you hold on to any glimmer of hope, that they really do like you and that something wonderful will develop from that feeling, and it eats you up inside... It also hurts when they don't express how they feel about you or anything else. And when you ask them if theres something wrong they brush you off like they didn't even hear you... Mostly i hate it when sometimes they pay all kinds of attention to you, like your someone special, and the rest of the time they act like you don't even exsist... I hate people like that... But for some reason i like a certain one...
12/22 Pre-Christmas Blues Its 3 days before christmas, and my house looks like a bomb blew up in it.. this year we doing even have a real sized tree. Our tree is about 3 foot high... Talk about pathetic.. Its not even decorated yet. No one in our house seems to care any more... I think the holidays were alot more fun when i was a little kid... Like when i believed in Santa... I was thinking about renting a little kid for Christmas... Today is also my mother's birthday... Like she cares... Shes been such a bitch lately... She didn't even want to open her presents this morning... All she wanted to do was go to bed... Now i know working all night at the hospital doesn't sound like fun, but she didn't have to come home and treat us bad just because she had a bad night at work... To make things worse, ive spent the last two nights on the couch in the living room, because on friday night i woke up at 3:40 AM with a spider in my bed... My parents said i was probably just dreaming it, but i refuse to go back in there for a while...  12/24 Merry Fuckin Christmas well, here it is Christmas Eve, and life can't get much worse... You see about a week ago my brother got a new car, an eagle talon. And he was at his girlfriends house all day today, and was supposed to come pick me up for church at 10 PM, so i start geting ready to go at 8,m cause it takes me a while to get ready. At 10 my brother pulls in the driveway, and i go out to his car and get in. he tells me to get back out, cause it was "acting goofy". So i got out and went in the house and chilled for a while... then he comes in the house all angry and shit, and says all kinds of stuff thatb was wrong with his car that i didn't understand... Then he started pulling one of his temper tantrums. It ended with him storming out of the house. Well there was no way in hell i was going to get in the car with him after that... Can u say road rage major? so i said i wasn't going, so he left without me. So here i am at 11 o clock at night on christmas eve when i should be at church singing christmas songs. I have never NEVER missed church on christmas eve. and this year i did, because my brothers an asshole. Merry Fuckin Christmas....... I hope to update this page as often as i can...
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